Most of the time, people can tell they're way too stressed out when they can feel that stress in the body. Muscle tension, upset stomach, and feeling "on edge" are just a few ways the physical body lets us know that it's being negatively affected by inadequately managed stress.
I know firsthand just how frustrating it can be to try to keep stress levels down, especially when you belong to a stepfamily and there are so. many. variables. But if you're being drubbed by stress no matter your best efforts to get it under control, then have no fear because this may be the missing ticket...
The trauma-informed practice you'll discover today can be effective when you feel overwhelmed, anxious, agitated, shut-down, withdrawn, triggered, or stressed out. In fact, it's so effective that variations are taught to folks in order to relieve intense symptoms of PTSD!
In less than 2 minutes, you can soothe your body, calm your nervous system, and become better able to cope with intensely stressful situations -- anywhere, any place, anytime.
P.S. Want to talk to a person and receive personalized support for your own stepfamily? Tap here to book a complementary 30-minute consult with a member from our team.
This tool has been designed to help you better understand your reactions to stepfamily-stress triggers.
When you can pinpoint your own specific triggers, then you can identify their corresponding distress symptoms, and importantly, create a plan to cope in ways that are more effective for you.
If you'd prefer to have a Certified Stepfamily Coach in your corner while you dig into the triggering aspects of your stepfamily, tap here to book a complementary, casual 30-minute consult with a member of our team, and find out the ways we can support that.
There are dozens of research-backed reasons that emphasize the importance of reducing stress, which include lowering your risks for things like burnout, depression, and anxiety [1].
Why is it important to you, personally, to learn to cope more effectively with stress and its symptoms? Will you become a better partner, or a more patient parent? Will you get back to being yourself, and start doing the things you used to love to do? Whatever your reasons, this at-a-glance Stress Profile can help you pave the way.
References
Khoury, B., Lecomte, T., Fortin, G., Masse, M., Therien, P., Bouchard, V., Chapleau, M.A., Paquin, K., & Hofmann, S.G. (2013). Mindfulness-based therapy: A comprehensive meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 33, 763-771.
Whether aware of it or not, every person has created their own definition of the Ideal Family. However, most of the underlying ideas that contribute to that definition are completely unconscious.
In other words, you’ve created (and inherited) your own personal guidelines about what family is supposed to look like, how it’s meant to feel, and the roles each person is meant to play, based on what you’ve learned to be true about the world throughout your lifetime.
This module will help you recognize the subtle ways that society, culture, and your family of origin (among many) have influenced those guidelines. When you’re aware of these subconscious beliefs, you’ll be much more likely to be able to identify root causes of stress (and joy!) in your stepfamily.
The American Psychological Association calls stress a national mental health crisis, after the members of our already stressed-out societies have been pushed to their limits following the pandemic [1]. Because of the significant increase in chronic stress levels over recent years, reducing its effects has become a top priority for wellness providers and clients alike [2].
Stress-reduction interventions are typically focused on supporting the mental and emotional aspects of stress. For instance, mental health professionals most often help their clients to train the mind, regulate emotional responses, and schedule brain breaks. These methods are used frequently because they are effective. However, although the mind-body connection has been well-established in research, body-focused stress reduction techniques are under utilized [2].
Said another way, if we want to become less stressed out as a society, we are going to have to bring body-work into the conversation much more often.
Physical techniques like the one you're about to practice today can help to switch the body from fight-or-flight mode to relax-and-restore mode, leaving you feeling balanced, energized, and grounded.
References
American Psychological Association. (2020, October). Stress in America 2020: A national mental health crisis [Press Release].
Vanderhasselt, M.A., Ottaviani, C. (2022). Combining top-down and bottom-up interventions targeting the vagus nerve to increase resilience. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 132, 725-729.
How do I fit into their lives? How do they fit in mine? I'd get them to help around the house if they were my own kids, but since they're not, am I allowed to ask anything of them at all?
As someone who's part of a stepfamily themselves, maybe you've personally even wondered your own variation of the question, Where do I belong among this group of people I call family?
When a stepfamily is working toward the task of becoming WHOLE, it is mandatory for each person to settle into a specific Role Category within the Stepfamily Power & Influence Grid (SPIG)* (TM).
The SPIG* is a tool we've developed to help our clients clarify and communicate the rules, roles, and responsibilities expected of each family member. This clarity contributes to the development of trust and safety required for a stepfamily to function as a healthy, balanced entity.
Should a divorced parent help their ex-spouse change a tire? What level of influence should a co-parent maintain over their children's other house, if any? Are stepparents entitled to hold positions of power when it comes to their stepchildren, or is that only for biological parents?
These are some of the big questions we help clients sort through every single day, because every single person on this planet deserves to live in a home where they feel loved, respected, and accepted for who they really are. Find out more about the products and services we offer our stepfamily clients by booking a complementary 30-minute consult, here.
May you rest in the softness and peace of becoming at home in yourself.
One dynamic to be aware of in stepfamily is what I like to call the Hot Tub Time Machine. For the record, the HTTM Dynamic comes baked into every single stepfamily. In other words, there's no way to avoid the interpersonal friction (read: drama) that's created when a romantic partner joins a pre-existing family unit.
In a biological family, the couple always has a pre-existing relationship before children are brought into the family unit. Like the old nursery rhyme says, "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage!"
But in a stepfamily, the biological family always has a pre-existing history that pre-dates the couple's new romantic relationship. In a stepfamily, the nursery rhyme would have to go, "First comes the baby in the baby carriage, then comes love, and maybe we can get married again one day idk tho."
No wonder it never cracked the Top 40. WOMP WOMP.
In essence, the HTTM Dynamic can (and does) create a lot of confusion, disharmony, and conflict within a stepfamily if it's not acknowledged and properly addressed. Stepparents feeling like outsiders, biological parents feeling like they're caught in the middle, and kids grappling for as much power and control as they can possibly get their hands on, are just a few ways that this dynamic can show up.
Today's practice will help you navigate the negative emotional experiences of stepfamily, so that you can feel at ease, at home.
When you change the way you think, you'll change the way you feel. When you change the way you feel, you'll change the way you behave. When you change the way you behave, you'll change your life.
This tool will help you notice the negative thoughts you think as a result of stressful situations, and, provide you with options to choose from when you do catch yourself in a negative thought-loop.
Renew your commitment to vulnerability, authenticity, and self-love in relationship.